Stillness – Reflections at Lake Tenaya ~ Yosemite National Park ~ California

We were on the move.  A lot.  There was so much to see and places to get to.  Vanlife is full of movement, and most nights we were in a different site, a different forest, a different rugged cliff-side.  Fully self-sufficient, we were getting to stay at these beautiful, unexpected “camp sites” in nature, often with spectacular views.  Although we were technically taking holiday and had no pressing schedule, the irony was that we were busy all the time and did have to plan trips frequently.  It was also now two months living in tight quarters with the two of us.  Time to one’s self was quite minimal, between the drives, the hikes, exploring and making gourmet meals; there really wasn’t a lot of time to simply integrate.  One could easily scale out of balance with one’s psyche. 

With the excitement of so much movement it’s easy to get wrapped up in the inevitable whirlwind accompanying the thirst for new surroundings.  After a full-on day of hiking at Yosemite, it became clear to me that there was a need for stopping.  Stillness.  Like, no movement.  Just integrating.  Drink it in.  Feel the essence of myself and just be.  We shared practically every sunset and sunrise together, but time to ourselves was just as crucial.  I came to realize just how imperative it is to stop and simply drink in the richness of nature and commune with myself along this journey.

With that being said, I can understand and imagine how most parents must at some point come to the same realization after having children.  Kids become the whirlwind and suddenly you have lost touch with yourselves on multiple levels.  I imagine one would learn how sensing and understanding your personal space and its boundaries and energy fields is imperative if you want to continue living in a balanced way.  After coexisting with your partner 24/7, 7 days a week, realizing this and enacting some boundaries becomes key.  Relationships are rarely easy in the first place, then try compounding it with vanlife, or something like yachting crew quarters.  We were quickly finding each other’s qualities and deficiencies, and being in a small space was bringing things up to the forefront and in our faces.  Just like domestic life, there are those occasions where things blow up and you have no choice but to deal with them.  Luckily, we are all blessed with adaptation and have the power to enact some sort of adapted harmony.  Like one of The Four Agreements says, “Always do your best.”  We had no distractions to not develop better communication along the way, and in so we chose to attune our focus on the positive aspects– our own success at having accomplished all that we had together and managed to still love each other deeply despite times of disconnect.  We were doing the best we could with the particular circumstances.

I was seeing first-hand how actual circumstances do create certain realities, out of your control and out of your wanting.  But, after recognizing the particular situation more clearly, we each then have the power to alter it by our own actions, our own thinking and behaviors.  This goes for any scale.  Bottom line, continue being your best self and know when and how to take boundaries as necessary.  (Of course, I am preaching this to myself!)  It is key to survival, as well as key to being present to life and all the blessings of beauty before you.

So that afternoon I chose to take space.  To not move my body.  To enjoy the view.  To enjoy me.  I would relax by the lake that my eyes had fallen in love with the day before and he would do the grueling hike he was yearning to do.  I put on my bathing suit and packed a bag.  A short meander through a forest, crossing of a creek and I had found the small beach we’d hiked by before.  The tan-colored sand felt soft, and inviting.  The warm sun blessed my skin amidst the cold atmosphere.  There was hardly anyone around except a mother and her son wading out in the shallow section of the lake.  My eyes drew to the point where the mountains met the water.  The aesthetic, dominating mountain range ended where the crystal clear smooth lake water began.  The scene before me could have been the Alps, and for a moment I could smell Europe and feel its distant appeal.  I stared without moving or being distracted by my phone.  The mountain’s reflection painted itself perfectly in the water below it.  Even the three, poised, puffy, white clouds were reflected in the water’s canvas.  My eyes distorted the view and a different perspective began to emerge– a vision that either vantage point could be the illusion of top or bottom.  I reflected on the enormity of the trip thus far.  I delighted in my body and senses.  From there, gratitude poured forth in a space so massive that my heart reveled and burst out in brilliance.  I was home.